Give Up Your Life For Your Spouse

"I do" are the two most famous last words

The beginning of the end

But to lose your life for another I've heard

Is a good place to begin

'Cause the only way to find your life

Is to lay your own life down

And I believe it's an easy price

For the life that we have found

- Andrew Peterson – Dancing in the Minefields.

I recently stumbled across the song “Dancing in the Minefields” by Andrew Peterson and it has instantly become one of my favorite “marriage” songs. The second verse of the song refers to John 15:13 – “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” In stating this, Jesus is referring to what He was about to do for His people. Jesus calls us His friend (John 15:14) and He laid His life down for us so that we may live eternally with Him. Our marriages are a reflection of Christ and His church (see Ephesians 5).

I have read John 15:13 hundreds of times in my life, but have never thought of it in the way Peterson uses it in his song. Through a beautiful word-picture, Peterson makes a poignant point of what happens at a wedding, and it is something that most people fail to recognize when they enter into marriage. A very large part of marriage is giving up your own life for your spouse.  I do not mean this in terms of your literal life, although many of us readily admit we’d die for our spouse, but when we marry we must recognize that our life is forever changed and that some of our old habits, friends, interests, and activities might, and sometimes should, end. Too many young couples marry with the illusion that they are adding their “soul mate” to their existing life, and then are frustrated when their spouse necessarily demands more of their time, interest, resources, and affection than anticipated. We seem to think that our spouses are just going to adopt our lifestyles as their own, which is a faulty assumption.

Christ makes it clear that we are to “submit to one another” (Ephesians 5:21). Husbands are to love their wives “As Christ loved the church.” (Ephesians 5:25) How did Christ love the church? He served it (see the washing of the disciples’ feet as Exhibit A). Wives are to submit to their husbands (not in a demeaning way, as if they are their husband’s maid or slave – but equal partner with a different role). Each person in a marriage should be willing to give up their independent life to become one with their spouse, in all areas of life.

Are you willing to give up habits (good or bad) if they seem to be detrimental to the health of your marriage? Are you willing to end relationships that do not honor your marriage? Are you willing to pool your financial resources into one account instead of separate paychecks and accounts? Are you willing to participate in leisure activities that are not of interest to you—but that your spouse enjoys—so that you can have quality time together? Until we are willing to give up our lives and lay them down for the sake of our spouses, our marriages will not be what we desire them to be.