Husbands, Valentines Are For Daughters Too!

Valentine’s Day. A day some men look forward too. Others enter it with trepidation, afraid that their wife’s girlfriend’s significant other will out do him with the perfect gift or gesture to celebrate the occasion. Floral and candy shops receive an economic bump, and wives hope for a day where they know they are valued.  First of all, if you’re a deadbeat husband and haven’t figured anything out for Valentine’s Day yet, get off your backside and get to the store (and I don’t mean Walmart, either!). Your wife needs to know you love her.

This blog is not about your marriage, however. This is about your daughter. Valentine’s Day is about much more than just your wife. It is almost equally important for your daughter. As a father, you need to strive to win your child’s heart just as you fought to win your wife’s heart. Why? If you care about your daughter choosing the right husband someday, you need to provide a very high standard by which she will judge all the boys and men that come in and out of her life. If you want your daughter to marry a man who will treasure her, treasure her yourself. If you want her to marry a loser, be a loser.   Here are two ways in which you can make Valentine’s Day a memorable one for all the women in your home.

1)   Spoil your wife. I know I said this day is about more than just your wife, but start with your spouse. You need to provide a Godly example of how a loving husband cherishes and enjoys the company of his wife. Show your wife you appreciate all of the blessings she brings to your life. Praise her for the qualities she possesses, not only for the things she does. If you have failed in Valentine’s past, or don’t honestly feel very “loving” toward your wife right now, don’t let that be an excuse not to go out of your way to bless her today. If your feelings are dead right now, small acts of romance or kindness may spark something that has been missing. Whatever you do - whether it is flowers, candy, jewelry, getaways, or a family dinner at home - go all out so that your wife knows you truly love her, and your kids can see a Godly example of how to serve and cherish your wife and dream of having a marriage like yours one day.

2) Give your daughter something special today. I have two sons and one daughter. I am spending more money on my daughter today than my sons – combined. Is that fair? Probably not, but Valentine’s Day is not meant for men. My boys will receive some candy and an inexpensive toy they want. My daughter will get jewelry. My suggestion is that whatever you get for your wife; get a “mini” version of it for your daughter. If you get your wife flowers, bring your daughter a flower. If you get your wife a bracelet or necklace, get a less expensive piece of jewelry for your daughter. Make sure your wife gets the best you have to offer, but make sure your daughter feels like she is being blessed by you as well.

If you haven’t already done so, use today to start showing your daughter what a loving husband looks like. Set the bar high for her to judge the young suitors that will eventually call. There is much more to being a good husband and father than sweet gifts, but on a day like Valentine’s Day, it is a great day to spoil the girls you love.

Give Up Your Life For Your Spouse

"I do" are the two most famous last words

The beginning of the end

But to lose your life for another I've heard

Is a good place to begin

'Cause the only way to find your life

Is to lay your own life down

And I believe it's an easy price

For the life that we have found

- Andrew Peterson – Dancing in the Minefields.

I recently stumbled across the song “Dancing in the Minefields” by Andrew Peterson and it has instantly become one of my favorite “marriage” songs. The second verse of the song refers to John 15:13 – “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” In stating this, Jesus is referring to what He was about to do for His people. Jesus calls us His friend (John 15:14) and He laid His life down for us so that we may live eternally with Him. Our marriages are a reflection of Christ and His church (see Ephesians 5).

I have read John 15:13 hundreds of times in my life, but have never thought of it in the way Peterson uses it in his song. Through a beautiful word-picture, Peterson makes a poignant point of what happens at a wedding, and it is something that most people fail to recognize when they enter into marriage. A very large part of marriage is giving up your own life for your spouse.  I do not mean this in terms of your literal life, although many of us readily admit we’d die for our spouse, but when we marry we must recognize that our life is forever changed and that some of our old habits, friends, interests, and activities might, and sometimes should, end. Too many young couples marry with the illusion that they are adding their “soul mate” to their existing life, and then are frustrated when their spouse necessarily demands more of their time, interest, resources, and affection than anticipated. We seem to think that our spouses are just going to adopt our lifestyles as their own, which is a faulty assumption.

Christ makes it clear that we are to “submit to one another” (Ephesians 5:21). Husbands are to love their wives “As Christ loved the church.” (Ephesians 5:25) How did Christ love the church? He served it (see the washing of the disciples’ feet as Exhibit A). Wives are to submit to their husbands (not in a demeaning way, as if they are their husband’s maid or slave – but equal partner with a different role). Each person in a marriage should be willing to give up their independent life to become one with their spouse, in all areas of life.

Are you willing to give up habits (good or bad) if they seem to be detrimental to the health of your marriage? Are you willing to end relationships that do not honor your marriage? Are you willing to pool your financial resources into one account instead of separate paychecks and accounts? Are you willing to participate in leisure activities that are not of interest to you—but that your spouse enjoys—so that you can have quality time together? Until we are willing to give up our lives and lay them down for the sake of our spouses, our marriages will not be what we desire them to be.