Questions Please

I read a testimony the other day on Christianity Today’s website about a young lady who enrolled at Harvard as an atheist and converted to Christianity while attending the Ivy League school. The young woman rarely found a Christian willing to engage her in conversation about the tough questions regarding our faith. Then, at Harvard of all places, she encountered a Christian brave enough to take on her objections. He didn’t settle for the “just have faith” argument we so often use when faced with difficult objections to our belief. This article, plus a recent junior high youth group lesson in which we tackled the question: “What happens to those who have never heard the Gospel?” got me thinking about an avenue in which I need to be preparing my sons and daughter to be “Shrewd as a serpent and innocent as a dove.”  I need to take questions and objections head on and not settle for the “just have faith” defense. Indeed there are questions that ultimately require faith, but often we resort to the “faith” card when we are stumped and don’t know what else to say. My challenge for you is to not shy away from the tough questions, even if it means an “I don’t know, but let’s find out” answer.

Here are four things I think we need to make this happen:

Tangible Motivation.  I say “tangible” motivation as we are often internally motivated by our own curiosity, but our motivation rarely moves beyond that stage. We need to get to a point where we get off our duffs and put our curiosity into action. I’ll see a documentary on Netflix that calls into question many of my theological tenets. A spark goes off in my brain imploring me to investigate, but I put it off until I lose interest. The definition of “tangible” includes “something you can touch.” In other words, we need extrinsic motivation to dive into the deep end of the theological pool. The best extrinsic motivation is your children. Tonight at dinner, ask them: “What is something you don’t understand about the Bible? God? Jesus? (you get the picture).  The other night while driving, my oldest son asked me, “Dad, if God is all-powerful, and all knowing, and created everything, why didn’t He just create everyone to believe in Him?” An excellent yet difficult question to answer. It opened up, however, a dynamite theological discussion with my 9 year old I wouldn’t have had if I just answered, “Because God is God and we just need to trust Him.” My kids’ tough questions continually drive me into my Bible and into my Biblical “toolbox” to find answers, which, in turn, sharpens my faith and Biblical knowledge.

Tools.  The next thing we need to be able to answer the tough questions are the tools to assist us in our search. The first tool is obviously the Bible, but the Bible is often interpreted several ways. I believe the best way to interpret the Bible is literally, within the context that each book and verse is written. With this in mind, I have a tool kit that helps me when I dive into the tough questions. Without going into tedious detail, if I had to recommend one resource from my toolbox to help you answer challenges to the Christian faith, I would suggest The Apologetics Study Bible from Holman Bible Publishers. The references and notes in this Bible all deal with defending and explaining the rationale, reasons, and evidences for the Christian faith - from Genesis to Revelation. It also has over one hundred articles that answer tough questions, refute cults, and respond to critics of Christianity.

Another great tool for your kids to explore for themselves is the Answers for Kids series. This series consists of four books that answer common questions kids have about the Christian faith, in a very child friendly format. It is important to discuss what your child reads from this series, as some answers are theoretical, but overall the answers are good and will stimulate great conversation with your child. There are several other tools that I could recommend, but for the sake of brevity, these two resources will be most helpful.

Time. One obvious yet overlooked factor in this discussion is time. It seems like I constantly have something to do. Whether it be work related, shuttling my children to and from a practice or meeting, the bedtime routine, even church can become busywork. We must take the time to pause and study our Bibles as well as discuss our faith with our families. Make time to regularly discuss what your reading in your devotionals, learning in your Sunday school or children’s ministry meetings, church sermons, etc. You will not find time to do this. You will have to make time, which may mean giving up something you enjoy doing. Hopefully learning and challenging faith will be enjoyable, but often we have plenty of excuses not to sit down and do it. Evaluate your days this upcoming week and decide when you’ll personally study your Bible, and when you’ll discuss it as a family. Dinner and bedtimes are the most popular times in my house for discussion.

Courage. The fourth thing each parent needs in courage. We must not be afraid to be challenged ourselves. Many parents are afraid they won’t find satisfactory answers to difficult questions, or are afraid their children will stray from the faith if their answers are lacking. Remember, God didn’t leave us to ourselves to figure everything out. The Holy Spirit is our teacher and guide through our search for tough answers and God promises that, if we are genuine in our search, He will provide answers. (John 14:26, Luke 11:9-12, James 1:5-6)

So be courageous and do not be afraid of your child’s curious mind. God made children to ask questions and has put you in the position to answer them. Prepare them for life by being open to the challenges and questions they have. If you ignore them or downplay them, they will not simply go away. Your children will find someone else to answer them, and the person they seek out may not be a believer and lead them astray. Challenge yourselves, and in turn, prepare your child for the confrontations that likely to come.

Have Fun!!!!!!

I tell my wife often that one day, when the kids are out of the house, the house will be spotless, and we’ll long to have our little ones back again. With this in mind, we often put off chores for fun in the Fitch household. Don’t get me wrong, we do clean our house. In fact, my wife just finished cleaning it top to bottom (with my help, of course!), and our kids are required to do their fair share of work. But over a weekend or a weeknight, if we have limited time, we choose fun over chores every time. Why? Because a common thread that I see in successful marriages as well as families is the ability to enjoy one another frequently!

Some Christian parents focus so much on discipline and training that they forget to enjoy their kids while they have them. It is ok to be a likable parent! Think for a moment about your favorite teacher from elementary or high school. I doubt their ability to fill your head with knowledge was your favorite characteristic about that instructor. I’m willing to bet that they were enjoyable to be around.   We often learn the best and respond the most to the people we enjoy the most.

This does not mean that we refrain from discipline, or lower our parental expectations. Often having more fun doesn’t mean a change in family demeanor (although it might if you have a tense household). It is primarily a time and motivational issue. Can you, as a family, refrain from over extending yourselves in your community or church so that you can spend more time together? Can you forgo watching the NFL on beautiful fall afternoon to take a bike ride or go to the park? It is well worth sacrificing your own personal leisure preferences for the sake of “team building” in the family.  I’m not speaking of just making “quality time” either. I am speaking of literally making more time. Quantity matters in addition to the quality of that time.

The bi-product of all of this “fun” is that it actually helps with discipline. Strong relationships are more trusting, communicative, and withstand tension better than people who just exist under the same roof. The fun you have together strengthens your relationship so when you have the inevitable hard times, or are in a situation where discipline is necessary, your children will understand your motives better and will eventually focus on their misbehavior instead of misconstruing discipline to be an attack on their person.

Summer is approaching. Begin by planning a family getaway – just you, your spouse, and kids. Leave your home life behind for a while and escape and have some fun. It doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant, just something that eliminates the distractions of home improvements, chores, work, and social lives. Sequester yourselves together for a short time and have some fun. This spring, mark off a couple of evenings each week where you shut your cell phones off and play games, watch and discuss movies, go to the park, play soccer in the back yard – whatever it is your spouse and kids like to do, spend time doing it and watch the positive effects it will have on your relationships.

And by the way...when my kids have all grown up and moved on and our house is spotless, you'll find my wife and I in the Caribbean somewhere - having fun!

Activate!

Over the past few years I hear many parents, including conservative parents, saying, “I’m going to let my child choose for themselves their religion.” Unfortunately, if Christian parents continue to take a passive role in the spiritual upbringing of their child, more and more children are going to fall away from the faith. As James Dobson once wrote, “When parents withhold indoctrination from their small children, allowing them to ‘decide for themselves,’ the adults are almost guaranteeing that their youngsters will ‘decide’ in the negative.” (James Dobson, Solid Answers, 217).

Often time the motivation of a parent allowing their child to “choose for themselves” is past hurt by a church or Christian parent in their own upbringing. Whether it was something as simple as finding their church boring as a kid, or despising their parents for making them go. Sometimes the reasons are deeper, like blatant hypocrisy in their parents, being inexplicably harmed through abuse or broken relationships in the church, or a rigid legalistic upbringing. In our current culture of relativism, some parents want to be viewed by their co-workers and friends as cultured and tolerant of other beliefs. Whatever the reason, parents who were brought up in the church are more laissez-faire about church attendance than ever before.

If you are someone like that, or have other excuses, nothing justifies playing Russian roulette with your child’s faith. We can teach our kids to respect people of other beliefs, and view them as someone who needs love, but we cannot condone other religions as being an acceptable path for our children.

Jesus is tolerant of sinners, for now, but one day that tolerance will run out and He will no longer tolerate sin. Thankfully, as a sinner, I am covered by the blood of Jesus and am considered a “saint” by Him, even though I don’t deserve it. Jesus makes this clear in John 14:6, “I am the way, the truth, and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me.” Ultimately it is through Jesus, and He alone, that we are saved. By remaining silent about this simple yet profound truth, you are actually working against your child’s spiritual health and eternal well-being. If you truly don’t feel it is important for your child to come into a saving relationship with Jesus, I have to wonder if you have a genuine relationship with Christ yourself.

Our job as parents is to pass this faith on to our children. We are commanded to do so in Deuteronomy 6. After God tells Moses that we are to love God with everything we are, we are to teach our children to do the same. “⁷ You shall teach them (God’s commands – including loving Him with everything we are) diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. ⁸ You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. ⁹ You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” (ESV)

Jesus, as recorded in Matthew 18:6, Mark 9:42, and Luke 17:2 gives a grim illustration of how seriously He takes our efforts to raise up our children in the faith: ⁵ “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, ⁶ but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.” (ESV) Scholars will tell you that the “little ones” described by Jesus means “new believers,” but we cannot overlook the fact that Jesus used a child as the center of His object lesson. God takes very seriously our role as parents to raise our Children up in the faith.

Do not allow past hurt, social pressure, or your own feelings of spiritual inadequacy prevent you from shepherding your child in the faith. Begin tonight by reading the Bible with your kids. Pick a translation that is easy for them to understand and start in reading in the book of Mark. Mark is only 16 chapters long and will give you and your family a quick synopsis of Jesus’ life. Reading a chapter of the Bible a night is the least you can do to get the ball rolling.

If you don’t have a church home, begin visiting Bible believing churches this weekend. You don’t have to attend the church your parents did, find one that ministers to you and your family and gives you an opportunity to get involved.

Most of all, don’t sit idly by while false teachers and false beliefs steal your child’s heart and soul. Ultimately, they will have to decide for themselves to follow Christ or not, but you will drastically increase the odds they follow Christ by actively raising them love God with all of their heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Husbands, Valentines Are For Daughters Too!

Valentine’s Day. A day some men look forward too. Others enter it with trepidation, afraid that their wife’s girlfriend’s significant other will out do him with the perfect gift or gesture to celebrate the occasion. Floral and candy shops receive an economic bump, and wives hope for a day where they know they are valued.  First of all, if you’re a deadbeat husband and haven’t figured anything out for Valentine’s Day yet, get off your backside and get to the store (and I don’t mean Walmart, either!). Your wife needs to know you love her.

This blog is not about your marriage, however. This is about your daughter. Valentine’s Day is about much more than just your wife. It is almost equally important for your daughter. As a father, you need to strive to win your child’s heart just as you fought to win your wife’s heart. Why? If you care about your daughter choosing the right husband someday, you need to provide a very high standard by which she will judge all the boys and men that come in and out of her life. If you want your daughter to marry a man who will treasure her, treasure her yourself. If you want her to marry a loser, be a loser.   Here are two ways in which you can make Valentine’s Day a memorable one for all the women in your home.

1)   Spoil your wife. I know I said this day is about more than just your wife, but start with your spouse. You need to provide a Godly example of how a loving husband cherishes and enjoys the company of his wife. Show your wife you appreciate all of the blessings she brings to your life. Praise her for the qualities she possesses, not only for the things she does. If you have failed in Valentine’s past, or don’t honestly feel very “loving” toward your wife right now, don’t let that be an excuse not to go out of your way to bless her today. If your feelings are dead right now, small acts of romance or kindness may spark something that has been missing. Whatever you do - whether it is flowers, candy, jewelry, getaways, or a family dinner at home - go all out so that your wife knows you truly love her, and your kids can see a Godly example of how to serve and cherish your wife and dream of having a marriage like yours one day.

2) Give your daughter something special today. I have two sons and one daughter. I am spending more money on my daughter today than my sons – combined. Is that fair? Probably not, but Valentine’s Day is not meant for men. My boys will receive some candy and an inexpensive toy they want. My daughter will get jewelry. My suggestion is that whatever you get for your wife; get a “mini” version of it for your daughter. If you get your wife flowers, bring your daughter a flower. If you get your wife a bracelet or necklace, get a less expensive piece of jewelry for your daughter. Make sure your wife gets the best you have to offer, but make sure your daughter feels like she is being blessed by you as well.

If you haven’t already done so, use today to start showing your daughter what a loving husband looks like. Set the bar high for her to judge the young suitors that will eventually call. There is much more to being a good husband and father than sweet gifts, but on a day like Valentine’s Day, it is a great day to spoil the girls you love.

Give Up Your Life For Your Spouse

"I do" are the two most famous last words

The beginning of the end

But to lose your life for another I've heard

Is a good place to begin

'Cause the only way to find your life

Is to lay your own life down

And I believe it's an easy price

For the life that we have found

- Andrew Peterson – Dancing in the Minefields.

I recently stumbled across the song “Dancing in the Minefields” by Andrew Peterson and it has instantly become one of my favorite “marriage” songs. The second verse of the song refers to John 15:13 – “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” In stating this, Jesus is referring to what He was about to do for His people. Jesus calls us His friend (John 15:14) and He laid His life down for us so that we may live eternally with Him. Our marriages are a reflection of Christ and His church (see Ephesians 5).

I have read John 15:13 hundreds of times in my life, but have never thought of it in the way Peterson uses it in his song. Through a beautiful word-picture, Peterson makes a poignant point of what happens at a wedding, and it is something that most people fail to recognize when they enter into marriage. A very large part of marriage is giving up your own life for your spouse.  I do not mean this in terms of your literal life, although many of us readily admit we’d die for our spouse, but when we marry we must recognize that our life is forever changed and that some of our old habits, friends, interests, and activities might, and sometimes should, end. Too many young couples marry with the illusion that they are adding their “soul mate” to their existing life, and then are frustrated when their spouse necessarily demands more of their time, interest, resources, and affection than anticipated. We seem to think that our spouses are just going to adopt our lifestyles as their own, which is a faulty assumption.

Christ makes it clear that we are to “submit to one another” (Ephesians 5:21). Husbands are to love their wives “As Christ loved the church.” (Ephesians 5:25) How did Christ love the church? He served it (see the washing of the disciples’ feet as Exhibit A). Wives are to submit to their husbands (not in a demeaning way, as if they are their husband’s maid or slave – but equal partner with a different role). Each person in a marriage should be willing to give up their independent life to become one with their spouse, in all areas of life.

Are you willing to give up habits (good or bad) if they seem to be detrimental to the health of your marriage? Are you willing to end relationships that do not honor your marriage? Are you willing to pool your financial resources into one account instead of separate paychecks and accounts? Are you willing to participate in leisure activities that are not of interest to you—but that your spouse enjoys—so that you can have quality time together? Until we are willing to give up our lives and lay them down for the sake of our spouses, our marriages will not be what we desire them to be.